I just realized that it was one year ago yesterday since I have spoken to my mother, way to go me!!!! A year of independence!!! I wish things hadn't turned out like this, but there wasn't much I could do about it. The only thing that upsets me about it are the people here in town who still seem to think I did my mother wrong. Ummmm, she sued me, she stole the money that my father left me, and the kids, someone point me in the direction where I did her wrong??? I have always had a problem with very low self confidence, and this sure as hell doesn't help it much. But, life will go on...

Donna-Leigh is doing great, I'm so proud of her. I know it hasn't hit full force yet, but I know when it does, she's going to be okay. It's going to be a long, very hard road ahead of her and the girls, gezz I thought I was too young to lose my father, and look at Alyssa and Megan, way to young. We are all so proud of DL, and you know what? I know the person that would be the proudest of her would be her Mom. I know she's watching down on her, her heart full with pride, because her daughter is so much like her. Donna-Leigh's Mom was a very strong woman too, so we see where DL gets it from. I wish I could do more to help her get through this, but she knows I'm here, 24/7, and always will be. I don't want to crowd her, but want her to know she's not alone. Luv ya DL, 33 years is a long time, here's to at least another 33 years together.

Wow, it's been 13 days since I've blogged and life has turned upside down and sideways in that time. Last Thursday, Pat, Donna-Leigh's husband, came home from work complaining of a headache. He went to the Dr. and the hospital and was treated for what they thought was a migraine. Sunday morning at 4:04 his heart stopped beating. I was with Donna-Leigh and her family when Patrick passed away and as hard as it was, I wouldn't have been anywhere else. Donna-Leigh and I have been friends for 33 years, through good and bad, it seems at times more bad than good. We've been through marriage, children, death of a parent, so much, but I never thought that one of us would have a spouse die for a long long time. My heart aches for her and the girls. I haven't cried this many tears for a long time.

Pat had a tumor in his brain. This explains why he was so different the last few months. And maybe he even knew something was wrong and was pushing DL away, to try to save her grief in the end. Whatever the case, he's gone, and we can't bring him back, no matter how much we want to. He must have been in pain for a long, long time, and he never said a word. Pat was a very quiet man in life, and he died the same way, not a sound out of him, he took his last breath and that was it.

Rest in peace Patrick...until we meet again...

Boy and I getting lazy! And I rag on DL when she doesn't blog! Ok, I'm here now, what do you want to hear?

The holidays were nice and quiet, just the way I like them. Both kids got a Game Boy Advance and a couple of games, some other new toys and lots of clothes. They were both very pleased. I got the stuff I bought, LMAO. Doug did wrap it for me though. I also got a very big shock when we went to Uncle Wayne's on Christmas day, a card with $1000.00 in it from Uncle Wayne, Aunt Judy and my Nan. As you know my Nan passed away in Oct. The money couldn't have come at a better time, we had to pay our house insurance, get the van fixed, buy a new bathroom sink and the rest got used up over the holidays, doesn't take long.

New Years Eve was spent at home watching a hockey game. Breanna wasn't feeling too great and was in bed by 7pm. Doug and I stayed up till after midnight and then went off to bed.

Both kids have a cold right now and I had the flu or part of the flu yesterday, I just hope none of us gets the full blown version of what's going around this year.

Well I'm off to get some of the stuff done that I didn't get done yesterday because I slept all day, oh yea, I have a wonderful husband who took the day off because I was sick. :) Anway, I'll leave with my quote for this year: TROLL FREE IN 2003

Oh my it's getting close! I'm now at the point where I can't get to sleep at night because my mind just keeps going over things I have to do, have to buy, etc. Oh yea, and the big one, where is the money going to come from to buy it all!LOL Damn lottery, why can't we win????

The kids are getting very excited, Josh is going to be ready to sleep for a month by the time it gets here. He doesn't sleep very well when he gets excited. We hope for a very quiet week school wise, no homework and for God sakes, no tests!!!

I'm mostly excited because my niece and nephew are coming home this weekend. I haven't seen Matthew since last Christmas and Bethy is bringing the new boy friend home for a few days so that we can give our approval. LOL I'm thinking I'm going to do up an "application to date my niece" and print it out. That shoudl freak him out a bit. I can't wait to spend Christmas with them, they are like my own, I love them just as much as mine.

My cousin Jeff, his wife Kelly and their daughter Megan are home. Megans everywhere!!! We are being overwhelmed by Megans! I went up to see them yesterday and they might be down today for a visit, Megan wants to come play toys with Breanna. :)

No news on the troll front, it's too quiet. Long as she stays away from us over the holidays, it will be a good one.

Oh and the test I was stressing over last week? Josh got a Good, I was quite pleased! And a VG on his lang. arts test on Friday. WTG Josh!!

So much for coming back later, well it's later! LOL It's been a busy week with getting ready for Christmas. The rush is on for school functions, and lets through in a test or 2 and see how fast we can get the 9 year olds to melt down. Josh has a big test today, God I hope he passes it, I'm not even looking for a E, a VG or even a G will do at this point.

I only have a few things left to get for Christmas, I'm sort of holding back, would hate to be all done ya know. LOL I don't have much for Doug and would like to pick up a few more things, the 2 things I got him were expensive, but they sure don't look like much.

The kids are getting so excited, I'm just hoping to get through it all without too many tears. I'm missing my Dad like crazy. I'm missing having a family. I went from having a big family, to just having my own little family. It's very hard. I feel like an outsider. I saw my Aunt and cousin yesterday and it was like they didn't even know what to say to me, or they didn't want to talk to me. I put on my brave face and make like I don't care, but I do, you can bet I do. Everytime someone treats me different than they used to it's like a big ol knife, twisting in my heart, along with the one that I still feel like is in my back. So needless to say, I won't be attending any family functions that are put on by any of my "mother's" family. I think I'll be much happier staying away and not putting myself through that BS.

I need to get up enough nerve to go up to my Aunt and Uncle's place and ask for my scrap book back that I made of my Dad, it has all of the pictures of him that I own. I made it for Nan, but told them that I would want it back "someday" meaning when she was no longer with us. I know they probably haven't even thought of it, but I hate to have to ask for it. But I need it here over the holidays for sure.


Balloons For Christmas

If you look towards the sky on Christmas Eve day,
And you see red balloons floating away,
Don't think that some child has lost their treat
Know that our love is flying today.

The children all yell
And sing out there love
Sending bright red balloons
To all that we've loved.

Merry Christmas Grampie!
And Grams we love you!
So many people we've loved and lost
We love them so much and miss them too.

So if you see our baloons flying high,
Know that they carry way up to the sky,
Our love, our hugs, our kisses too,
To our loved ones who've left us, they had to die.

This is just a practice run, I'll be working it over and changing it I'm sure, over the next 2 weeks. It's dedicated to all the people who Donna-Leigh and I have lost, her Mom, my Dad, her grandparents and mine. We love them and miss them more than words can say.

We made it to Friday! Breanna is at school and I'm enjoying the quiet. I wrapped up a couple of pressies. The rest are at Doug's parents, so I have to get up there soon to start wrapping those up. Time to go do my hair, might be back later!

Boy am I glad yesterday is over, it was Breanna's 5th birthday and what a day it was. We had a bowling party, Breanna and 11 friends = total confusion. We had kids running all over the place with bowling balls. They were throwing balls down lanes that weren't turned on, screaming, falling...you get the idea. She got lots of great presents, we are now very invoved in Polly Pockets, she got her first ones yesterday, cool toys. She also got a Leap Pad from Mommy, Daddy, Nanny & Papa, she loves it, so does Josh. LOL She's now running around with lip gloss on her nose...strange child. LOL

I didn't hear from anyone in my family yesterday cept for my sister. I kinda thought maybe my brother would call her, oh well, I should be used to it by now I guess. I guess it's time to face the fact that I'm no longer part of that family at all, I'm just an outcast, while my mother will always be treated like the Queen. Lord knows we musnt upset the Queen, so we'll just all baby her and the hell with anyone else. It pisses me off to no end. I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm the one who gets punished for it.

Oh yea and something else that pissed me off yesterday. Doug's parents started the thing about if it was one kids birthday, they would buy the other one something too. I never agreed with it, but they did it anyway. So here we are yesterday, yes I know it's only 4 weeks till Christmas. They come down without anything for Josh. So next year on Josh's birthday when they come with something for Breanna, I won't be keeping my mouth shut, if you are going to do it for one, you do it for both.

Ok, rant over, for now LOL