Oh my it's getting close! I'm now at the point where I can't get to sleep at night because my mind just keeps going over things I have to do, have to buy, etc. Oh yea, and the big one, where is the money going to come from to buy it all!LOL Damn lottery, why can't we win????

The kids are getting very excited, Josh is going to be ready to sleep for a month by the time it gets here. He doesn't sleep very well when he gets excited. We hope for a very quiet week school wise, no homework and for God sakes, no tests!!!

I'm mostly excited because my niece and nephew are coming home this weekend. I haven't seen Matthew since last Christmas and Bethy is bringing the new boy friend home for a few days so that we can give our approval. LOL I'm thinking I'm going to do up an "application to date my niece" and print it out. That shoudl freak him out a bit. I can't wait to spend Christmas with them, they are like my own, I love them just as much as mine.

My cousin Jeff, his wife Kelly and their daughter Megan are home. Megans everywhere!!! We are being overwhelmed by Megans! I went up to see them yesterday and they might be down today for a visit, Megan wants to come play toys with Breanna. :)

No news on the troll front, it's too quiet. Long as she stays away from us over the holidays, it will be a good one.

Oh and the test I was stressing over last week? Josh got a Good, I was quite pleased! And a VG on his lang. arts test on Friday. WTG Josh!!

So much for coming back later, well it's later! LOL It's been a busy week with getting ready for Christmas. The rush is on for school functions, and lets through in a test or 2 and see how fast we can get the 9 year olds to melt down. Josh has a big test today, God I hope he passes it, I'm not even looking for a E, a VG or even a G will do at this point.

I only have a few things left to get for Christmas, I'm sort of holding back, would hate to be all done ya know. LOL I don't have much for Doug and would like to pick up a few more things, the 2 things I got him were expensive, but they sure don't look like much.

The kids are getting so excited, I'm just hoping to get through it all without too many tears. I'm missing my Dad like crazy. I'm missing having a family. I went from having a big family, to just having my own little family. It's very hard. I feel like an outsider. I saw my Aunt and cousin yesterday and it was like they didn't even know what to say to me, or they didn't want to talk to me. I put on my brave face and make like I don't care, but I do, you can bet I do. Everytime someone treats me different than they used to it's like a big ol knife, twisting in my heart, along with the one that I still feel like is in my back. So needless to say, I won't be attending any family functions that are put on by any of my "mother's" family. I think I'll be much happier staying away and not putting myself through that BS.

I need to get up enough nerve to go up to my Aunt and Uncle's place and ask for my scrap book back that I made of my Dad, it has all of the pictures of him that I own. I made it for Nan, but told them that I would want it back "someday" meaning when she was no longer with us. I know they probably haven't even thought of it, but I hate to have to ask for it. But I need it here over the holidays for sure.


Balloons For Christmas

If you look towards the sky on Christmas Eve day,
And you see red balloons floating away,
Don't think that some child has lost their treat
Know that our love is flying today.

The children all yell
And sing out there love
Sending bright red balloons
To all that we've loved.

Merry Christmas Grampie!
And Grams we love you!
So many people we've loved and lost
We love them so much and miss them too.

So if you see our baloons flying high,
Know that they carry way up to the sky,
Our love, our hugs, our kisses too,
To our loved ones who've left us, they had to die.

This is just a practice run, I'll be working it over and changing it I'm sure, over the next 2 weeks. It's dedicated to all the people who Donna-Leigh and I have lost, her Mom, my Dad, her grandparents and mine. We love them and miss them more than words can say.

We made it to Friday! Breanna is at school and I'm enjoying the quiet. I wrapped up a couple of pressies. The rest are at Doug's parents, so I have to get up there soon to start wrapping those up. Time to go do my hair, might be back later!

Boy am I glad yesterday is over, it was Breanna's 5th birthday and what a day it was. We had a bowling party, Breanna and 11 friends = total confusion. We had kids running all over the place with bowling balls. They were throwing balls down lanes that weren't turned on, screaming, falling...you get the idea. She got lots of great presents, we are now very invoved in Polly Pockets, she got her first ones yesterday, cool toys. She also got a Leap Pad from Mommy, Daddy, Nanny & Papa, she loves it, so does Josh. LOL She's now running around with lip gloss on her nose...strange child. LOL

I didn't hear from anyone in my family yesterday cept for my sister. I kinda thought maybe my brother would call her, oh well, I should be used to it by now I guess. I guess it's time to face the fact that I'm no longer part of that family at all, I'm just an outcast, while my mother will always be treated like the Queen. Lord knows we musnt upset the Queen, so we'll just all baby her and the hell with anyone else. It pisses me off to no end. I didn't do anything wrong, but I'm the one who gets punished for it.

Oh yea and something else that pissed me off yesterday. Doug's parents started the thing about if it was one kids birthday, they would buy the other one something too. I never agreed with it, but they did it anyway. So here we are yesterday, yes I know it's only 4 weeks till Christmas. They come down without anything for Josh. So next year on Josh's birthday when they come with something for Breanna, I won't be keeping my mouth shut, if you are going to do it for one, you do it for both.

Ok, rant over, for now LOL

AACCKK! They just played Winter Wonderland on the radio for the first time this season. Hang on people, let me get through tomorrow first!!!

Tomorrow is Breanna's 5th birthday, and I think at some point I must have been drinking cuz I let her invite her whole pre-school class to the party. Thank God for good friends like Donna-Leigh, who is going to help me with the party. We are going to the bowling alley right after school and having hot dogs for lunch, then some bowling, then the pressies and cake and then they all go home. :) THEN at supper time my sis will come down, and Doug's parents for a little at home party. Doug's parents went in on a Leap Pad system with us, for her birthday.

OMG...now it's snowing...

A little update on Leo, he had a very long operation on Friday with the plastic surgeon. They did some reconstructive surgery and removed 2 of his toes, but it looks like he may get to keep his foot! Yay! He is in a lot of pain, more now than before, but they are keeping him heavily medicated. He is seening a phycologist and dealing with the fact that his best friend shot him.

Today I am going to the phycologist for the first time concerning Breanna's behavior. I know lots of people think she can't be that bad, but hey, just ask someone who knows us, they will tell you. I pray that she can do something for her before Christmas, it would be so nice if we could get her to settle down a wee bit before the holidays. I'm a bit nervous about going, she'll probably yell at me for letting her get away with things, when we haven't. She was a cranky baby and has never gotten better in her mood since she was born.

Josh got his report card yesterday, wasn't too bad. He got 2 Fairs, one in french and one in math. The problem is, he never brings math home, so it's not like we can help him with it. I go see his teacher on Thurs. and see what can be done to pull those marks up a bit.

OMG I'm sleepy today! I just can't wake up, good thing it'll soon be bedtime. I went to Bridgewater this moring to pick up Snowball who is now nutless and clawless. We have to go back to Bridgewater here in a little bit to take Breanna to a birthday party. Doug is working and Josh is not impressed about having to go back, oh well...such is life when you are a kid eh? Josh and I will drop her off and go out to supper. I also have to go look for stuff for treat bags for her party. I wish I could find a tree that had money growing on it, but don't we all wish that???

Just checking to see if I got the time thing right...

Uggg, it's Monday We had a pretty good weekend around here. On Saturday, Donna-Leigh and I took 3 kids off to the city to see Harry Potter. The kids were great, couldn't hae asked for them to be much better. We did some shopping, took in the movie, came out to winter, snow on the cars, a little more shopping, supper and then the 90 minute drive home. I had a headache but thank God DL was driving so I could take drugs all day. LOL It's for sure something I'd love to do again, we'll just have to watch the weather forcasts and plan another day after Christmas.

My last update about Leo is that he's doing okay. I'll know more today. He still has his leg, they check it every day and there is still the chance they may have to remove the foot. He is talking about it to friends and that is a very good thing. It's going to be a very long recovery for him, I'm so glad he has lots of great friends to help him get through this.

I'm doing great with my shopping, darn near done! I still have to get some stuff for Doug, I have a few things on lay-away but still need more for him. I also have to buy for my sister and Aunt Barb. I'm also thinking I should get something for Uncle Wayne and Aunt Judy but haven't decided for sure. I don't want them to think they have to get us anything, so if I get something I'll take it up on Christmas day as a surprise.

Ok, time to get my sheets in the dryer.

Drugs and guns... I hate both. Something very tragic happened here on Tuesday. A friend of mine got shot, by one of his best friends, how terrible is that? And then his friend turned the gun on himself, and left 2 small children with no Daddy :( I don't understand it, everyone is trying to figure it out, it's just so damn sad.

Aunt Judy just called, we have to leave by 7am. So I've been scrambling around trying to make arraingements for Doug and the kids. I think I've got it down.

Well I guess it's time to stop talking to myself and go public...nuthin fancy here folks, lucky I figured this much out! LOL

Welcome to My Life...as I see it!

Well it's back to school for one kiddo after a long weekend. Josh went off this morning to start a busy week with 3 tests. If he does good on them and gets good marks on his report card in a few weeks, he gets to have his hair dyed blonde. Right now it's quite red and he doesn't like it at all.

Tomorrow I am off to the city with Uncle Wayne. Aunt Judy called last night to see if I could go with him. He has to have some kidney stones zapped and has to have a driver with him. I hope Aunt Judy is going too, Uncle Wayne is a quiet man and doesn't say too much, might be a quiet drive. I also have to find out what we are taking, I hope he doesn't plan to take Nan's car, it's big and I've never driven it before, so I don't want to drive it in the city. I can drive in the city as long as I'm driving something I'm comfortable with, otherwise I panic.

On a good note, I have darn near all my Christmas shopping done, only 3 pays till Christmas! Doug and I went shopping on Sat. and bought 2 Game Boy Advance Games plus a game to go with each. That was an expensive venture. I still have to get something for my sissy and Doug's sister that looks after the kids when we need someone. I have to get some more things for Doug, I have 2 shirts on lay-away for him.

Things in Donna-Leigh's life aren't any better, damn I wish Pat would open his mouth and tell he what he's thinking, so maybe they can get this resolved one way or another. At this point I know her and the girls would be so much better if they were out of that situation, it's not healthy to live with someone who can't even be bothered to talk to you.

Breanna is sick and cranky today. Her and I can't seem to get rid of the damn cold. She has had a few melt downs already today, I'll be glad when I go see the phycologist on the 26th to see what she thinks. I'm so open to ideas at this point. I'll try anything that might bring out my sweet little girl that I know is hiding in there.

Nuff for now...

Josh did fine with his tooth removal. The dentist used latex by mistake, one of these days someone is going to make that "mistake" and we're not going to be so lucky. He was a very brave little guy, not a tear in sight!

LOL I just noticed that I've been ending every post with, "Anyway...".

Anyway, I just thought that was funny.... LOL

Our first snow day of the 2002-2003 school year! Ugg, I wonder how many we'll end up with this year, looks like we'll probably top our 10.5 snow days from last year. We aren't used to winter coming this early, it's a long time till spring.

Donna-Leigh got our tickets to Harry Potter!! Yay! Now just pray we don't have snow, I like Harry, but not enough to risk our lives in a snow storm.

Josh has to go to the dentist today to have a tooth removed for the first time. He's never had anything done except cleaning, he's very nervous about it. You would almost think with all the medical stuff he's been through, this wouldn't bother him.

I've got some of my Christmas shopping done, which is good for me. I'm normaly so slow when it comes to getting my shopping done. I'm trying not to spoil the kids too much, but still make up for the gifts that they won't get from the Troll and my Grandmother. My Christmas list keeps getting smaller I think, but that's not a bad thing, except when it's smaller because of death. It's been 3 week today since Nan died, I miss her, she was such a sweetie.

Anway, that's it for today!

I have to remember I have this here, I keep forgetting about it. Not much going on at the moment in our lives. I had to threaten Doug with divorce the other night, but he seems to be doing better since that. Sometimes I get the feeling he just doesn't want to be here with the kids and I and it's starting to affect Josh, and I won't let that happen.

Next weekend Donna-Leigh and I are taking the kids to the city to see the new Harry Potter movie, I'm really looking forward to it. Just her and I and the kids for the day, minus Breanna, I'm not that brave.

Speaking of my little angel, I have to go see the phycologist on the 26th about both kids. For Josh it's mostly to check and see if they think he has ADD, lots of kids with Spina Bifida do, and he does show some signs, so I'd rather we know now, so we can figure out some way to help him now. Breanna is going because of the behavior problems she has. I am at my wits end and don't know what else to do with her. When she has a melt down, everyone knows it. She'll kick, scream, punch, bite...you get the picture. I hate it and I want to know how to help her, so she doesn't have to do stuff like that. We've tried everything, timeouts, 1,2,3 and yes even spanking, but nothing works, she doesn't care. When I put her in her room she'll lay on the floor and kick the door.

My back is better!! Now if I could get rid of this cold, I'd be a very happy woman. I think my nose may soon fall off. ;)


Anway...snuff for today!

I'm back! This is actually working, I'm shocking myself! I still haven't gone public though, soon...

Well in the last week I have lost yet another member of my family, the only Grandmother I had left, so sad. My Nan passed away last Thurs., Oct. 17th at 11:05pm. I was right by her side along with most of the rest of her family. The thing that made me the saddest was that Jeff didn't get home in time to say his goodbye, but he got here, that's the main thing. That is 4 people I have watched leave this world. Nan went very quietly, just as she was through life. She just opened her eyes and took a few more breaths and that was it. Such a sweetie. Nan was always dressed perfectly in her dress pants, sweater and high heels. This woman even wore high heeled slippers! I think I out grew her shoes when I was in grade 2. Nan was a very tiny woman. She is going to be missed so much.

Wow It's been almost a year since I tried to work with this. I need a brain. I wish I was as puter smart as my best friend, DL.

So much going on, it would be good if I could get this working so I could get some of this stuff out of my head and onto the comupter, I find it is so much better if you can get your thoughts out into words.

It's a quiet day here, both kids are gone. Josh is in school and Breanna is at the Inlaws. I love it!!!